Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
