we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
