Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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