I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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