I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
