if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
