i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
