wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
