Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
