You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
