Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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