you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
