Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
