I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
