Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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