Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
