Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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