Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
