SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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