Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
