the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
