you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
