I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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