i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
