i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
