wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
