it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
