I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
