His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
