so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
