you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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