My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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