My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
