Are we in a gay sports bar?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
