I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
