At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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