I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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