there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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