I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I lost the right to judge tonight
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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