Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
