Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
