i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
