I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
