bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
