i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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