New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
