i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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