matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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