If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
