C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
