People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
