Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
