he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
