Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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