We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
