i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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