so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He felt like a one man threesome
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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