life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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