she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
