I swear she didn't look like that last week.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
